


Longing and loss

by Ghelik



Series: The 100 Fics [57]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/M, Jealousy, Post Season 5
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-02
Updated: 2018-09-02
Packaged: 2019-07-06 02:21:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15876477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ghelik/pseuds/Ghelik
Summary: Spacekru wakes up.





	Longing and loss

**Author's Note:**

> Follows The Glass Box and Sleeping Beauty, but can be read without reading them.

Clarke watches Bellamy and Echo wake up the rest of their friends: Echo helping Raven jump down from her pod, stabilizing her when her bad leg gives under her; Murphy winking and asking for “five more minutes”; Emori’s amazed “it cannot have been ten years already” as she sits up, mindful not to knock her head on the glass cover of her pod.

They notice the lack of Harper and Monty almost immediately, their easiness automatically replaced with vigilance as they turn to Bellamy for answers. He looks distressed: eyes shiny with tears and a distinct tension around his shoulders. Echo intertwines her fingers with his. Nobody notices Clarke standing by Madi’s still closed pod, watching.

Bellamy sighs: “Come with me. There’s something we need to talk about.”

It comes to absolutely no surprise to her when it’s Murphy the one who digs his heels in, refusing to comply, even though, the Murphy she knew didn’t much care about Monty. “What the hell? Why aren’t we waking them up?”

Bellamy opens his mouth, but Raven beats him to it, her hand falling on his un-injured shoulder: “Come on.”

None of them notice her as they walk out of the cryo-pod chamber. She wants to join them, but can’t this isn’t her place, and the longer she watches, the more evident that becomes: they’re a closely-knit group, a family. And she isn’t part of it. Still, she follows them at a distance as they enter the bridge.

Clarke longs to embrace Madi, still blissfully asleep, to find some sort of respite and human contact. Her skin still burns where Bellamy touched her a few hours ago in this same bridge where he now stands next to Echo, her hand firmly clasped in his. Clarke can’t help the bitter jealousy gnawing at her heels at the ease with which he has replaced her, the nasty feeling entwining with her longing and sadness.

Bellamy’s voice carries a particular authority, even with his shoulders curled in tiredness and sadness, even with his eyes bloodshot and still wet with tears. He explains the situation matter-of-factly: Harper and Monty didn’t go to sleep, deciding to stay awake for ten years to get a respite from all the fighting, to sort themselves out after the horrible things they had to endure. Their plan went awry when the Earth didn’t come back.

Clarke watches Bellamy softly easing the rest of the group into the news that they’ve been asleep for over a hundred years and that their friends are dead.

Murphy leans forward, eyes burning and a nasty expression on his face: “You are lying,” he growls showing his teeth like a rabid animal.

Echo’s hand is white-knuckled around Bellamy’s, that being the only sign of distress on her, Bellamy turns his head upwards, blinking rapidly. Raven swallows, turns to the controls and keys in the sequence to open the big window. The new planet hangs in front of them like a beautiful gem.

“You are lying.” Murphy’s voice is shriller now as he pulls away from the group, shaking his head.

Bellamy swallows twice, taking a tentative step as he says: “I wish I were.”

Emori sits down on a stool, her breath coming in short gasps. Murphy keeps backing away from the group, his eyes wide and terrified and hurt like Clarke has never seen him. “No. We were safe. We were ok. They can’t be dead.”

Raven turns slowly away from the bay window like it’s taking every ounce of her willpower to do so. “Did they suffer?” her voice is soft, almost kind.

“NO!” shouts Murphy and is about to stomp out, but Echo is suddenly there, an unmovable wall of slender warrior. When her arms come around the younger man, he collapses into the hug, clawing at her back. She bows her head to his shoulder, one hand rubbing soothing circles on his back, the other cradling the back of his head. Murphy’s sobs are loud and ugly, a harsh contrast to the spy’s silent tears. Emori moves to join the hug a second later, burying her face between Murphy’s shoulder blades, her mismatched hands resting on his on Echo’s back. Bellamy throws an arm around his girlfriend’s shoulder, his head resting on the younger man. From where Clarke stands she can barely hear him whisper. “It’s ok, John.”

Raven is the last to join the group in their grief; she buries her face into Bellamy’s chest, pressing herself into Emori’s side.

Clarke doesn’t know how long spacekru stands there, pressing themselves as close to each other as they can possibly get, but she cannot stop looking at the pile of bodies, at the way they share their grief and find comfort in each other.

She longs to belong so much, it physically hurts.

For a moment she thinks she could join.

She swallows it down and turns around, letting them grieve their friends as a family.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading and commenting


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